In the midst of a grove of trees beside flowing waters, in the darkness and blackness of night, a group of men sit around a campfire sharing their deepest secrets. This is a Buildaburger night, prepper style, at Bohemian Grove II, fifty yards from Camp Quayle in Bozeman, Montana.
Hagmann: Hello, this is Wednesday, July first 2015, and we are coming to you live…
Hawk: this is Hawk coming to you alive…
Quayle: Tonight is critical. We are here to share our deepest darkest moments…What is that droning noise?
Hagmann: Oh, Oh, W has arrived, and he has already begun to share his stories.
Quayle: I thought I told him to stay far away from me. What does he think this is, a Free Speech Zone? I’m in charge here.
Hagmann: I lured him here by telling him that I would take a bullet for him. After all he is the real American James Bond. I told him we were having a snipe hunt.
Hawk: This is the Hawk coming to you live…
V: What is the matter with Hawk? Why does he keep repeating the same line over and over again?
Quayle: He forgot his night vision goggles, and he is having trouble reading his script. But tonight is critical,we are going to tell real horror stories around the campfire, like real men do when they are out in the depth of the wilderness, eating their prepper supplies.
Pastor Lankford: I know I need to repent of this, but I need to use the little boys room, and I don’t like to stare at a tree when it is so dark out.
Quayle: Follow that light 150 feet away, and my wife will let you use the loo in the house. And when you come back, bring my coat of armor, please.
W: Did you know that I was written up in the American Spectator in 1997? I am the real deal. That investigative reporter James Rain Adams said I am a private researcher, tracking down infamous and dangerous men. And he also mentioned that I know Michael Reagan, the son of President Reagan. I’m famous under my real name.
Hawk: Mighty Men of Valour, it is time to march down to the river and retrieve a bucket of water as it is time to eat a prepper dinner. Here W and V, (handing them a bucket) prove yourselves and get us water.
V: It is dark out there. And it is time for Plan V. What is Holly and Stan serving up at the house, anyway?
W: Make Lankford go. It is his turn. I am going to hunt for snipe using a night vision drone.
Hagmann: Drone, what drone? Oh you mean you are going to start telling stories again. Folks, you will have to trust me on this. Look, if W told me there is an alien invasion on the White House Lawn, I wouldn’t even have to turn on my TV.
W: Well, ah, ah, good, as it does not appear that Quayle has provided us with a TV out here.
Quayle: I have too. Henry Gruver, Romy and my intercessors are out walking the perimeter. Between them with their remote viewing capabilities and their out of body experiences, they are better than CNN.
Hagmann: Where is that water. I am starving. W, if anyone can do it, you can do it. I will just tell you that.
W: (still droning on) …Well, I will try you know. You and I have talked over the weekend and I, you know, said that maybe I needed to come on and just clarify some things during the course of the week, you know. The end of the week. The situation there for Stan went ahead and moved us forward to today, so you know this is the day it is. You know, it is a conversation we had discussed having with your listeners. Anyways, this week, it just happened a little earlier in the week than I had personally anticipated…
Quayle: I am beginning to understand why I can’t stand you WW. You are Wishy Washy. Marinka was wrong. Your name is not Wayne Willott. It is Wishy Washy.
Hawk: This is the Hawk coming to you Alive! I’m starving, and I can’t wait any longer for someone to rehydrate the beef stroganoff. I am opening a can of Campbell’s Chunky Soup.
Lankford: I’m back. Is it time to go to bed?
Quayle: Bed? We are Watchmen, and we never sleep!!! Has the world gone mad? This moment is Critical. What You People don’t understand is that this is a Q Alert. I’ve received a critical Q Alert. V, what I hate about you is that I am on your list for receiving Critical Alerts, and I never receive any from you. V, WishyWashy, go down to the river and get us some water, now!!!
W:(still droning) And certainly, my thoughts and prayers are with Stan and Holly. I mean the work that they have done and kind of plowing the ground to get people to just start thinking differently…
Lankford: I know they have gotten me to think differently. While you are trying to rehydrate your dinner, did you know that Stan and Holly just grilled me a big juicy steak, with baked potatoes and all the toppings? In a moment when I feel like repenting of being here, I am going back to the house to have a home made apple pie and ice cream.
Quayle: I am about to throw all of you trolls under the bridge. Is no one listening? I just received a Critical Q Alert from someone named Aurora Justicia. My numbers man says that equates to Global Intelligence, or the Heart of the Numberer of the Balances. They wanted to know the GPS coordinates of the DUMB located in Bozeman, Montana. Also they said that a bunker buster was headed my way. So I threw them off. I said, NONE IN BOZEMAN.
Hagmann: None what in Bozeman?
Quayle: DUMBs you idiot!!!!
W: Now who is calling who DUMB? Don’t you insult the guy who is willing to take a bullet for me. I am the real American James Bond, you know.
Hagmann: W, where is that bucket of water I asked for?
V: Plan V, Plan V. gotta go.
W: Good by Panama Jack. I am on my way out too.
Hagmann: Between you, Steve Quayle, Stan and others, you dragged me, drugged me, dragged me, and drugged me kicking and screaming…
Hawk: The Hawk is coming to you live. I found my night vision goggles and some of you are off script. I feel a Q Alert coming on. Let’s all head to the lower floor of the DUMB which is under Steve’s basement.
Lankford (returning after having dessert). It is too late. They heard all the droning going on out here, and they all ran into the underground bunker and locked the door!!!!! Q Alert!!
Quayle: This is critical. What most people don’t understand…. Hey, where is everyone? This is Camp Quayle. I am in charge. This is not a free speech zone. Help, Help!!! I repeat, NONE IN BOZEMAN!!! I WAS JUST KIDDING WHEN I SAID I WAS ON THE RED LIST. I AM ONE OF YOU………………
The above is truth stranger than fiction. You are now leaving the twilight zone. And Aurora Justicia really did send a Q Alert to Camp Quayle. And Steve really did answer NONE IN BOZEMAN. Now, how DUMB can one be?